I'm trying to use my thinking to explain what is happening in the world. So that I don't have to do the hard work of sitting in zazen. The psychotic dissorder that reveals itself in a 30min session is no fun to look at. Especially when there's no money to go to an ayurvedic doctor and support the healing.
The breathing is what makes the difference between maladaptation because of the dissorder and a chance to function. I'm so fucked!
It is the regularity in practice that keeps me on a sane platform. But I'm alcoholic so that always interrupts the healing process. Man I don't have any patience - my capacity for dealing with my emotions is a no-show! And back to the bottle..
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